Alabama Tracks

I think this is starting to sound like a broken record or maybe it just feels that way.  Lucie decided she just couldn’t go 2 weeks without causing some angst.  Yesterday on my way home from work she cut off at a stop light.  Here again it was in the middle of rush hour traffic on a major thoroughfare but this time, I was first in line at the light.  After my stomach did few flip flops, I was able to crank her back up and resume my trip home without any major issues.  This morning she was just fine with the normal hesitating and me praying the entire way to work.  We’ll give it another shot so she can get some codes built into her memory as to what could be going wrong and then I think we’ll take her back into the shop.  I’m seriously considering getting a second opinion though I love and completely trust my garage.  We’ll see how it pans out.

We’ve still not heard back from a/c tech but the a/c remains to be cool.  I hope it remains so now for the next week or so seeing that I had solidified the plans to have friends over for the 4th. 

It was crazy busy here at work this morning and now I’m playing a waiting game.  I’ve just heard that we will have a verdict on the local government corruption trial (a previous governor) so that will cause a great amount of stir here in just a few minutes. 

Well with that I ought to close out.  Things are happening rather quickly again.

There is definitely not a lack of something to do in our small family.  I’m now coordinating a small Fourth cookout at our house for some local friends as well as hosting a few college friends for the weekend following.  We have decided that we wouldn’t plan on going to the lake this year to watch the fireworks.  It has been a standing thing for our local group since before Joel and I got married but each year it seems to get a little bit more difficult to participate.  The event is free if you don’t want to be a part of the concert they have at the ampitheatre down at the water.  We just tailgate in a large field, enjoy food, fellowship, and around 9:00 some fireworks.  Last year the event was capped off by us being hit and trailed by some guy who was drunk and high.  Which brings me to this year.  I initially told everyone that I was up for the fireworks again this year but I have since decided that I don’t know that I want to deal with the heat this year and with the holiday being on a Tuesday, work comes really early.  So we up and decide to host a small bbq.  I’m not sure how many we’ll be planning on but I’m hoping to find out more tonight when I talk to a few of the ladies in the group.

I got some clothes in the mail this week of which I was incredibly thankful for.  A friend from FBC Jax gave me some clothes that would be transitional.  Some of them I can wear now but most of them I will have to wait until after the baby though I did have something new to wear this week.  I also received my first order from Old Navy Maternity yesterday so I now have 3 maternity tops.  Little by little we’re building my wardrobe though at times I don’t feel it’s fast enough.  Washing mid week didn’t have to happen this week.  I was so very happy.

My sweet husband tried to buy bias tape for me on his way home so it would be one less stop for me.  I was hoping to hem some pants last night and he knew it.  Not knowing exactly what he was going for, he came home with some double fold quilter’s bias tape that was $13.19.  I thanked him profusely for trying and making the extra stop on his way home.  We headed out last night and found the right stuff for $1.24 a pack.  He liked that price much better. 

We had the a/c people come out the other night as our a/c has been freezing up and takes an incredibly long time to cool down.  It turns out this tech didn’t look at us like we had 10 heads and actually said that they would do a thorough freon leak detection test once they get their new equipment delivered.  He added 1/4 of a pound of freon and said that if we had just had it recharged a year ago, then it shouldn’t be acting up.  When he left he made it sound as if they put the system in and have been the only ones to touch it, then they would make it right.  Hopefully that will mean less money out of our pockets.  The past two nights have been fabulously cool and gone (for the time being anyway) are the temp drops of 2 degrees at a time or a freeze up.

It feels like it should be Thursday today.  I had a hard time waking up and getting motivated to put my feet on the floor and get my body moving.  I’ve been trying to save my vacation days for when I’m out of maternity leave so I’m looking foward to a long 4 day weekend.  (Work is giving us both Monday and Tuesday off for the holiday.)  I’m hoping Monday will be a cleaning day for me and one that will be a day of marked progress.  So though today here at work feels slow and the work flow isn’t moving much, my mind is racing with the personal stuff happening in my life.  There is definitely not a lack of things to do.

 

A week has come and gone and Lucie hasn’t broken down again.  I can’t say that she is 100% normal as she still seems to hesitate as I get up to 50 mph but for the time being, I’m managing.  We are doing our homework though and I’m trying desperately to not get anxious about it all and just act impulsively.  Should we decide to buy a vehicle, I am looking at a Kia Sedona mini van.  My thought is that a mini van may have the most flexibility in the long run than just buying a regular car.  We’ve got a little time though so we’re aren’t rushing into anything.  Tia did say that our car issues sounded a lot like those that they had with the van last year.  She is supposed to check and find out the part that had to be replaced in hopes of it being the same thing for me.  Any insight is helpful at this point.  I’ll have faith in the car if we can replace the part and fix it.

 My friend Holly has just found out that they are having a boy.  She said that her mom and everyone else had come to the conclusion seeing that she is starting to carrying him like a basketball.  They are in the process of looking for a larger house and are looking in our neighborhood.  I’m excited about it seeing that they’ll be even closer.  Right now they are about a mile away.  Sharing a community park and pool will be nice. 

I’ve had a very boring week at work.  I actually brought a book to read today and when I started to read, I got too sleepy so I had to stop.  I do have one boss in the office today though so I have done somethings for him.  The office seems really empty today and as it gets closer to 4:00 it really is going to clear out with the salaried people leaving for the weekend leaving us hourlies behind. 

I went to the doctor yesterday and heard the heartbeat.  160 beats per minute.  Right on track according to the doctor.  I’ve gained only 5 pounds which indicates to me that the first scale (at my other dr.) I was on is incredibly different from this one and thus the 25 lbs weight gain I thought I had isn’t really so.  He said my bloodwork turned out fine and I’m right on schedule for Jan. 8th.  He said that he was pleased with the heartbeat especially since I had not been sick at all.  Apparently they get concerned for those that don’t get sick as they tend to miscarry more.  As of today,  I’m thinking a girl.  We’ll see.

This weekend we will pull weeds and wash the house.  I might get back to work on some storage issues as well. I’m so not looking forward to it but it is all stuff that needs to be done.  The house has needed some attention for some time now.  The air conditioner seems to be continuing to have trouble keeping up with the heat so we are contemplating how we will fit that into the budget as well.  Last night I had the thought that we might have a duct leaking and that is why the house doesn’t cool down.  It took it 4 hours to move from 78 degrees down to 77 degrees in the evening.  How crazy is that? 

We heard yesterday that his bonus should be calculated by the end of the month and would be payable the next paycheck.  I am trying so hard no to get my hopes up for a large dollar amount because we really have nothing to go from.  Sales have been tremendous this year so I think we ought to expect something good.  We have a list of things that need attention that could spend the entire check plus some but all we can do is wait for now and pray that his boss is generous. 

Well.  I think that pretty much sums up my week.  We’ll see what the weekend holds.

 

Lucie (my car) that is.  Yesterday after I dropped the loaf of bread off at my friend’s house (everything went fine and I enjoyed the brief conversation we had) I decided that I would run and go get gas before I went home again to cook dinner.  After all, it would save me time in the morning and I wouldn’t have to run out again later that evening.  As I left the gas station, I headed up one of the busy parkways not far from the house.  She jerked and the spedometer started to decline steadily.  I made it to the shoulder just before the turn lane started.  I shut her off not knowing what in the world had happened. 

I called my husband and then called AAA to request a tow truck.  While on the phone with AAA, an officer stopped to make sure I was okay and that someone was coming by to help me.  About 15 minutes later, my husband arrived, and 45 minutes after all this began the tow truck finally came.  Dripping with sweat, thirsty, and tired, we followed the truck to the garage to pick the keys up.  We ended up going to Firehouse Subs for dinner as now my emotions were all over the place and I had no energy to spend time in the kitchen.  Upon finishing dinner, we drove to a coworkers house to ask her to pick me up in the morning (I didn’t have her phone number) and then headed home.  7:45 and I was home. 

I tried to make my evening useful by doing a load of wash (I didn’t have anything else to wear today) and then I took some pictures of my scrubs I want to sell on Ebay.  I ended up about 45 minutes later crashing on the couch watching my husband play a game.  By 9:25 I couldn’t keep my eyes open.  I slept there until 10 and then got ready for bed. 

I’m anxiously awaiting news from the garage today as to how much these repairs will cost.  Its so frustrating when just 2 weeks ago she left me stranded with groceries in the trunk and this time she put me on the side of a major busy road in rush hour.  I suppose we’ll try to fix her again and hold out hope that we can get more mileage out of her and hold off on buying yet another “new” car.  I don’t drive her very far but its hard to have faith in a car when she keeps breaking down.  So nonetheless, I will wait for news and pray that the repairs are not astronomical.  I am very thankful that my husband was just getting off work, no time was missed, I was able to get to the shoulder and that no one was on my tail when she suddenly jerked and decided to go on the fritz.  I’ll keep you posted.

“There is no joke to the brain.” 

 This was told to me this morning and I’ve been thinking about it ever since.  It’s quite deep if you really think about it.  Things are black and white. The brain can’t process anything else.  I don’t know if I have worked all the way through it yet myself seeing that I have found a few things that I can’t say I agree with.  Such as if the brain says “you can” well then, surely you can do it.  But if your brain says “you can’t”, then where does overcoming fears come into play?

This has been applicable to me today seeing that I have to put myself out there again.  We have a friend who helped us tremendously when Joel was unemployed who is now on bedrest.  She is only a few weeks ahead of me and has been put on rest for another month.  This will be their second child.  So this week in Bible Study, I made mention that I have a hang up about bringing food to people for fear that they won’t like it, they’ll have an allergy to it, it won’t be good, I’ll be imposing…. the list goes on.  So needless to say, my brain says “NO.”  But the ladies challenged me and are going to hold me accountable for this one.  I made a loaf of zucchini (sp?) bread last night and I intend on dropping it by this evening in hopes of ministering to her a bit.  It has been on my mind all morning - I’m somewhat dreading it and yet I know that I will be blessed as a result of it.  I know the bread is good because I cut into the other loaf of it last night.  So after work this afternoon, I’ll make a phone call to see if it will be alright if I stop by for a few minutes.

 On another note.  My husband’s coworker (Gerry) has a  crib they are looking to divest and are willing to sell it to me.  I had dh ask questions about said crib so I wouldn’t have to stop by their house and say “no” to their faces.  There is that inferiority issue again.  When asking questions, Gerry cornered him and asked why we just didn’t come by tonight and check it out.  Not wanting to make excuses, just as my husband was going to tell him, Gerry said “she doesn’t want us to have our feelings hurt if she doesn’t want our crib.”  Well.  Yes.  That is correct.  The fact of the matter is, as soon as I heard that it was white, I said no.  I want a stained crib.  So while this too is an issue for me, it really wasn’t as soon as I knew the color.  But nonetheless.  I need to get over it.

So if I deal with my fears, does that mean the brain then turns that black spot into a white spot so to speak?  I really don’t know.  At some point people overcome their fears.  Things become easier, but does that mean the brain has changed?  Either way, I know I have to get over these issues of feeling inadequate or inferiorness.  It rules so many aspects of my life and yet I see so many areas that I have grown.  

Mom sent me my report cards yesterday.  K-10th were included.  I’m not sure where 11th and 12th grade are but I know I have them.  A few things stood out to me.  You can tell where I went to speech class to learn how to say my “r’s”.  You can tell the classes that I really didn’t like the teacher and then there are others that you can really see where my love of history came from.  (For the first 8 yrs, all my teachers wrote “she needs to pay more attention in social studies and physical science.” 9th grade - it all changed with Mr. Robertson and my grades reflected it.)  But one thing that really struck a chord with me is that in 6th grade my teacher wrote “She is a very mature young lady.”  Was I supposed to be mature?  Mom had at one time made the comment to me that I was mature at the age of 2.  I think she was right.  So niether here nor there, I’ve been mature my entire life.  Its just interesting.

A swimsuit (leopard print), bra, and lime green t-shirt all at Target.  By far the best shopping trip.  I have now used all the money from the gift certificate on maternity clothes with $2.37 to spare.  Today has been much better for me emotionally.  My sister helped me go shopping on the net so when I can spend more money I know where to look and what to look for specifically.

With the week finally coming to a close and the thought of a few days of rest on the horizon, we set out for dinner and to head to JC Penney to look for some maternity clothes.  I had already found a pair of mid belly kakhi pants at Motherhood earlier this afternoon so I had hopes of finding a few things at JC Penney.  After all I saw an ad in the sales flyer, so off we went.

We walked all over the store only to be told by a sales associate that they do not have a maternity department.  Nor does Parisians or Dillards.  We headed to Kohls.  I had been told by several people that they had a maternity department and carried a large bra selection.  I was sure to find something there.  I tried on a top, a bra, and a pair of pants. The bra fit but was way too thin and didn’t offer nearly enough support.  The shirt was like glue and showed every bump known to man.  The pants, well I won’t even go there.  It was just disgusting.  We headed over to the plus size dept in hopes of finding something that might get me a little farther along.  Gauchos I now know look atrocious on me.  I did end up buying a shirt that will take me a little bit further and will look nice after the baby as well.  It was on sale so I took the chance.  As we left I figured that I had $25 left of the $75 gift certificate that I had received at East Chase for Christmas from my bosses.  Not much but it could go towards another good pair of pants or a bra.

I have decided that this experience has got to be one of my life defining moments.  The first being when I first had to start shopping at a Plus Size store.  The second being in my wheelchair and not having access to things and getting looks.  The third is this.  I have found very few places that carry maternity and much less that carry maternity plus. Furthermore, 1X is no longer sufficient in pants.  I’m now into 2X to make sure that I have some comfortability in the legs and panty lines don’t appear. Dealing with emotions has been so difficult regarding this area.  I don’t fear labor, I fear the weight gain.  It’s hard enough having to admit that you have to gain something and to allow yourself to go through it but then to have to go through the agony of trying to find something among a sea of “small people” clothes (like searching for a needle in a haystack.)   I know that I’m not as big as some women and yet if I am having such a hard time, then I know that they must have an even harder time.  Maybe they don’t care as much seeing that the heavier one is, the less they appear to be pregnant.  I don’t think I’ll have that problem especially after wearing the belling pouch at Motherhood today to get a general idea.  I can’t help but try to plan for after the baby is born and how I am going to lose the weight.  That in and of itself will be difficult seeing that I plan to breastfeed.  You have to keep your caloric intact high enough so you can produce milk and yet that is the time that I will want to eat less.  I don’t want to go through this again and I am so fearful that I’ll end up being heavier than ever afterwards and unable to get it off.
So at this point, I think what I’m going to do is go through the linen draw string pants that I currently have and make sure they are completely let out from the alterations that were done to them a few years back.  They should carry me a little further and will be beneficial afterwards as well.  Hopefully they will be sufficient until Mom can get some things made and I get a little bigger where things fit a little more true to form.   I continue to drink at least 68 oz of water each day and eat healthy as I can right now.  I’m dreading seeing the scale in 2 weeks knowing it is going to increase.

I’ll gather myself tonight and pack my emotions up as best as I can as we have my mother and sister in law in town tomorrow for their birthdays.  I sure don’t want to spoil their day with my frustrations.  My husband has been so supportive.  Tonight for the first time went back and found several shirts for me to try on in hopes of finding something.  I don’t remember when he was actively engaged in a shopping trip.  Most of the time he goes along for the ride and will just stand and wait letting his mind wander.  Tonight he knew I needed his support and help.

So Life Defining Moment #3, I’m sure is here to stay for a while.  Maybe this is the moment that will be so clear and so disgustingly hard that discipline will kick in where it needs to and “will” will be there as needed to make sure I’m not here again.  It’s not been a fun place to visit.  I know that much is truth and not just hormonal emotion.

Primaries are over!  Words cannot express my delight in just saying this simple phrase.  Months of work culminated into one evening.  Egos were pretty even keeled for the most part which for my coworker and I was a big concern.  The evening went like this…

6:45 Steakout is delivered for those that told me they would be here the entire night

7:15 A few other employees come by with plans to take part in the “war room” - Pizza Hut is ordered

7:45 Pizza Hut arrives - My boss has me come out with him in case he needs help.  (There are only 2 boxes of pizza and one box of chicken wings.)  I’m still trying to figure this one out.

8:00 Scattered votes are starting to be called in on the three phones we have set up for people all across the state to call in county totals.  TV and internet results are being pulled off immediately.  A new computer is set up so we have one for internet access and one for spreadsheets.  #1 boss eats 3 pcs of pizza and peanuts in addition to Steak out dinner of filet mignon, baked potatoe, roll, and salad.

9:00 Another pc of pizza is eaten as he sits doing nothing and four others do the work.

10:00 Final totals start to come in one by one.  Most of the group of employees that came by to watch and talk leave.  The core group stays put.

11:00 Calls start to dwindle, we know those we have won and lost  - we did considerably well I must say.  Everyone seems pleased.  Fatigue starts to settle in on the group.

11:30 “Girls, you look like you need to head on home to go to bed. Why don’t you pack up and go home?”  Said to both a 58 and 29 yr old lady.  (Pet Peeve) Syd and I head home as the guys left start to clean up.  They have to be the last ones here at work apparently.

12:30 Shut eye.

All in all, I worked 15 hours yesterday alone.  I have 8.5 hours of overtime for this week’s time which will look great overall.  My emotions seemed to go all over the map yesterday with one of my bosses.  He barked at me in the morning and it just seemed to go down hill from there.  He was pleasant most of the day, things just aggravated me beyond normal.

Today I will work on a board report which will end up taking a few days to compile with changes.  Everyone came in later today except for myself and one of the Governmental guys.  I’ll work a full day today and I’m sure I will crash tonight.  Choir will not be attended tonight as I need some down time.  You know you look bad when the cafeteria worker notices how tired you look. 

I’ve been indoctrinated into the world of politics this week.  I can’t say that I like politics but it was nice to see things come to fruition that you’ve been working on for so long.  We now have a few in run offs and then we are on to the General Election in November.  We’ll start working on that in August. 

I hope I haven’t rambled and I hope this all makes sense and gives you a glimpse into my world this week.  I just have to stay awaaaaaaakkkkkkkkkke nooooooooooooooooow…..zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

So here it is. The first picture. You can click it to enlarge it (although it’s still just a giant fuzzy blob at full size).